Stella in the Sun

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Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

11. The Princess is the Frog. Careful what you wish for.

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Her head up in the shooting stars, the Princess travelled back to her Kingdom. She had had tidings that the affairs of her palace were not going well.

Precisely they were going very, very much awry.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

And so as soon as she arrived, she found this to be true. It was such a state of affairs that she decided to turn her heals to it and find a new palace. And this time with a difference set of people running it.

And on that note, her landing back in her kingdom, although she still loved it very much, proved to be the beginning of a very trying week. It seemed everyday something went from wrong to worse. She was bewildered that all her problems came from material things. Things she usually had a very tight grasp on.

In a desperate call for help to her Fairy step-mother she received an answer she was even more shocked to read: “You just have never been used to being this happy. Your head is still up there with the stars. All you have to do is find your balance.”

The Princess had nothing to reply to that. Because in all fairness, it was probably true. It was tough to remember a moment when there wasn’t hardship or something stained with sadness. Although she had, most of the time, seen Hope, it was, as the definition of the word, before any lovely thing came to be true. Now she was in front of the lovely things, diving head deep into all of it, her still very enjoyable and exciting responsibilities, her family, and the appearance of the King.

And so, ironically, she did not know how to handle it all.

But little by little, she managed to get a hold of things, went on to live in another Palace, more glorious, entwining the ancient and the modern, perfect for her tastes and delicate sensitivities, and all other things slowly fell into place.

And now that the things invading her brain were solved in but a few weeks, she had to feel that something was wrong elsewhere. Her sentimental correspondence with the King was not faltering. And yet, for some inexplicable reason. She felt something may go sour if she didn’t pay attention. As that familiar chocking feeling in her ribcage surfaced again, she found the root of the presentiment. And indeed it did lay with the King.

His heart, he was unsure of. His motives, he questioned. And his capacity to love another, he doubted.

As she read the words. She felt a rush of cold washing over her body. That imaginary liquid slowly turned to ice, freezing her, and then quickly shifted into steal, sheltering herself. Inside of her, it was all calm, she profoundly believed this was not an attack against her. She was quite certain it had nothing to do with her at all actually. But that was the problem. If she was just as his other past conquests, unable to move him, then their story should not have even begun.

And that made her angry.

She also received that unwelcomed letter at the untimely moment of his arrival in her kingdom. It had been set that he should come and visit but for a few days, and he choose to lay his fears on her precisely a few hours before he himself arrived.

And so she begged for a sign. If he was doubting them so much, was there any point in spending this time together? Or would it simply be a waste of energy on her side? Or was it worth it? Was this solely a little shadow over-clouding his judgement that would disappear in no time?

Should she hang on or let go?

As she was engrossed in the inner workings of her brain, and deliberating the best way to make a choice here, the weather was having its own way. There was a distinct bright golden glow on one side of her as her carriage was making her way forward, and an immense dark rain cloud on the other. It’s so pretty she thought, because the dark is so dark, the light is that much more golden in comparison, what a pretty sight indeed.

And then the carriage turned.

And she was faced with a rainbow.

Ok, she almost said out loud, I’ll give him a go then.

But even a polychromatic arch formed by a perfectly logical scientific explanation, could not help her from feeling less joy than she had expected to feel in seeing him again. Quite a substantial bit less, indeed. Her skin had kept its iron protection, and she was determined not to let anything hurt her. But just as she had once swallowed that ball of fire, her charms and happy conversations remained. She, unlike him she thought, was trying her best not to ruin this precious time together. She gaily showed him her kingdom and her new palace and all the little things she loved here. Sometimes she felt she had to swallow back her fire, or to toughen the iron, but showed no external signs of it until…

Night time fell upon her kingdom. And the King, with his usual warmth, took the Princess in his arms, and for the longest time, kissed her.

She felt like a war was raging inside of her. Should she listen to reason and remember the cold words he had last written to her, or should she close her eyes and only see with her heart, what the King’s very own, beating against hers, was saying. She did not know what side to choose. She wanted to let herself feel everything, and be guided by the sensations washing over her. But she was scared. She believed a war was also raging inside the King’s head and it did not calm her.

Wether it was because she hated what was happening inside of him, that he was unable to see with his heart and speak from it, or because she was more than a little bit afraid of her own heart, her frustration let three, or four tears glide down her cheeks.

His embrace suddenly became suffocating, her head ached, her body felt nothing.

She did not know where the solutions lurked.

And so the Princess moved aside from the King and pondered. Like a pondering thing in a pond.

To be continued…

Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

9. The Princess is the Frog. A new beginning. Part II

Transcendence. A word the Princess was unfamiliar with, but that the King unveiled to her in more ways than one.

If you hold in your mind a picture, a feeling of something you have never experienced yet or at least not fully, but you are sure it should be, or feel a certain exquisite way. Well when you finally experience it and the picture and feelings are a thousand times duplicated, a scale you never even begun to imagine existed, another dimension. Then that is what transcendence is.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

And that is precisely what our Frog-Princess learnt with the King.

How odd.

She wasn’t sure if it was because of her, of the fact she had not turned into a Frog, meaning that her hard work on herself was finally paying off, or the fact that this man had incredible powers, or maybe the fact that there was an ideal harmony between their two personalities, or perhaps all of the above. Whichever the reason, what she felt was no dream, and no miracle. It was simply lovely and good.

Now the second time she felt that squeeze and yank in the middle of her ribcage was when, upon one of their many following discussions and during dinner-time, she had made a quick suggestion about one of their potential futures. That if he was undecided about his role and responsibilities and where they would take him, he could always come find peace and a quiet time in her very own Kingdom.

The King had then leaned back into his chair, distancing himself from her, and told her she was treading on dangerous grounds. The Princess was at lost. She had been warm and affectionate, believing that he, somehow needed to be reassured.

Indeed, since they had first kissed, and the walls of decorum fell down, he had more than once voiced how unhappy he was they did not live in closer Castles, and other concerns of trifling nature.

Far from her mind was the idea that in trying to reassure him, she brought out his dark side, his Fearing of attachment.

She thought this was unfair. How was he allowed to voice his inclination towards her, to show with his eyes and his touch of how much he cared, but she was not?

She felt like a ball of fire growing in her ribcage, the frog inside of her about to burst at the seems.

She replayed the whole scene in her head, the time he had first looked upon her and the first time he had called on her, during these moments, the sentiments that poured from his eyes had scared her immensely.

That look was still there, she did not doubt it. And yet his words had turned so cold.

She too could turn into a Frog. It would only be a fair fight.

But a fight both of them would lose she thought.

And so. She chose not to.

She swallowed the ball of fire burning her throat, and remained charming, light-hearted like, laughing away his fears. She would rather concentrate on what his eyes were telling her, then the cold words coming from his lips.

Another strange feeling. That she was witnessing the change and fear in somebody else rather than herself. To tell the truth, it made it easier for the Princess to focus on the King’s headaches than her own. Because in forgetting her own dilemmas, she was also burying her past issues, and thus her froggish nature.

She decided not to push for more information on the King’s troubled side and just be her charming, fluttering self. Minus a slight dizziness she was fiercely trying to ignore. They spent a few more hours together and parted with a lovely kiss, and no promises.

To be continued…

Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

8. The Princess is the Frog. A new beginning. Part I

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The fist grew tighter and tighter inside her chest, it had been days, nay weeks, that she had been living with this suffocating feeling inside her ribcage, sometimes making her feel dizzy to the point of making her want to sit down again, and sometimes making her feel like her insides wanted to come out of her body.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

Let us go back in time and re-assess this heart-clenching, gut-punching feeling.

Our very own Frog Princess had first felt something close to this feeling when the time came for her to meet with the King again.

She was on her way to celebrate a most amazing and long awaited event: the marriage of her Father to her Fairy step-mother. Not only was this the most exciting thing she could fathom, but also adding to the excitement, the path made it easy, almost mandatory, for her to go through the younger King’s Kingdom.

Now at that time, the excitement in her stomach could be described as a bit of fear yes, but highly overthrown by a swarm of Butterflies.

The King had asked to see the Princess and she had readily agreed after making him ask two or three times.

But when the time came and she was all pampered and ready to be met with, she received a note. Saying he was late.

That is when she first felt that semblance of annoyance in her stomach. She was unimpressed and was determined to remain as such throughout the whole evening. He, on the other hand, had to be impressed by her, by how carefree she was, by how grudge-less against his tardiness, by his late responses, that she was only charm and joy and lightness of being.

To be sure she was all that. And although not even his hand dared to brush against hers, the King’s glistening eyes proved enchanted in more ways than one.

Maybe this was the way to fend off her frogish nature, she thought. Maybe all she needed to do was to bury her negative feelings deep down and never speak of them. Ever.

And so the evening went on, charming, charmed, buttefly-like in every way. She did take the time however to inspect how she felt about him, tardiness and late responses aside, and she was indeed feeling everything she had hoped to feel and more. An attraction, a chemistry that she had tried quite hard to fend off on their first meetings those months ago. But the letters had undoubtedly softened her heart, and now the sight of him allowed her to acknowledge these feelings as true.

The look in his eyes could not be mistaken. But the King had still not expressed his intentions. And so as the hours went by, she grew slightly weary, fearing the opportunity of them meeting again would not be for a very long time, and who knows what those feelings would become then?

Well if those feelings were to go away then, she thought, it would probably be for a good reason, and things should not be rushed, said her reasonable heart. But then again, if he doesn’t take this opportunity, what sort of a gentleman is that? Wouldn’t that prove him to be a man who doesn’t stand for himself? Debated her impatient mind.

The hours went on, and it seemed fate did not want these hours to end. Many a times was her departure delayed for this or that reason, but still, the King had kept his intentions for himself.

Oh well, the Princess sighted, what is not meant to be, is just not meant to be, even Cosmic Assistance can only do so much.

And while she was thinking just that, that is when the King’s hand brushed against the Princess’ sleave, and, ever so gently, his fingers closed in on her arm.

Her body went numb. “Uho. This is it.” She thought. And she slowly (read awkwardly) lifted her face up to his, and before his hand had even reached for her neck, their lips had touched.

To be continued…