Stella in the Sun - Life’s a fairytale

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Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

14. The Princess is the Frog. The long road down.

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The first thing on the Princess’ list was to rekindle the intimacy she shared with the King.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

She thought it was the most important thing to do, but seemed he, on the other hand, did not. Days of silence settled and even though the Princess did not sleep much waiting for an answer to her last letter, she waited.

She knew silence and time where notions the two of them did not seem to have in common. When she was impatient, he was careful.

She grew scared, he grew distant.

When she finally had news from him, she turned into being the careful one. And yet again tried to keep her cheerfulness, her lightness of being. Feeling somehow that if she spoke more, that if she dug deeper, he would go back to being silent, and maybe this time for good.

The peace was easily restored between the two Royals. But the Princess could not help but feel restless. Something was still lurking behind a lot of miscommunication she thought.

Still, she became creative in trying the keep the conversation light and fun.

It was hard work not always successful it has to be said. But still she kept on. And in between, she managed to secure an invitation from him to visit him but for a few days.

She resolved into making sure nothing was going to ruin this reunion this time.

And the Princess did what Princesses do best, she took a lot of care in her preparations. And when I say a lot, I mean that hours spread over days over weeks of carefully planned treatments up until the day when she was to join him in another foreign realm.

Indeed the King had been away from his own Kingdom to fulfil his duties and so she had organised a way for her to meet him where he was temporarily staying. An organisation of travel and dwellings the King had lavishly handled, to the Princess’ happiest surprise.

When the Princess arrived and first saw the King, she had every intension of bursting out with joy. But when she felt his… odd… embrace, she refrained those intentions.

Luckily, she thought, they had a bit of a journey to go through together before getting to their temporary dwelling, and so, by means of conversation, she again hoped the intimacy would be rekindled.

She did not believe she was very successful in that enterprise. And so when the King wished her a goodnight, she was doubtful this was going to happen for her.

And well it did not. She spent most of the night pondering like a pondering thing in a pond.

Why was she feeling him so cold now? His words were now even fewer than before, and his charming and warm manners had vanished. Or at least he had kept them from her throughout the entire evening of their reunion.

Why was he so bent on ruining everything? She thought.

The next day would bring new light she hoped.

And thus she did manage to find sleep. It was a light slumber occupied by dreams of a man she could not see stealing one of her most precious possessions: a necklace bearing two small hearts, one of silver and one of red crystal.

When she rose the next morning, she did not like the feeling of someone stealing her heart away without her having any knowledge of it.

But still, the Princess was a relentlessly hopeful creature, and so she was sure that everything was going to be alright, even though she could not see it now, the reasons for the King’s coldness and lack of speech, she chose to believe it would all be ok.

That evening when they met again after the King’s many duties, the King showed more care and spoke more. And in speaking, he relieved her of a strange fear.

Still, when that second evening came to an end, she could not help but feel him, lukewarm towards her at best.

Not the kind of feeling a Princess would expect to excite in a man after traveling across countries and making many arrangements relieving herself of her usual Ruling duties, but for the sake of him.

She observed him, she tried to feel with her heart what was wrong, but she did not want to pry out the answer out of him, she did not want to go into a long speech or become the stereotype of the hysterical woman.

In clear, she was trying very hard not to turn into a frog. Again.

And so she tried to appear careless, remained silent and waited patiently to feel his warm embrace again.

Whatever his inner thoughts and feelings, the King was, it has to be noted, a real King when it came to his duties and etiquette towards the Princess, he spared no expenses and chose enchanting places to take her to.

And that was, well also dumbfounding for the Princess. No Prince had ever done that for her. For that, she was incessantly grateful and impressed. Not that any material thing could replace the heart-warming feeling of a deep conversation or the intimacy conveyed by an uncontrollable laugh, but, still, it helped.

The food was divine, the wine was sweet and rough, just as she liked it, and the evening finally did end with a heart-felt goodnight.

There, patience comes to those who wait, the Princess thought. Or whatever the saying is.

The time it took for them to reconnect she thought, was too dangerously close to the time for her to get ready to leave. Patience, fine, but what a waste she thought… And she could start feeling the sadness that came with a departure.

She could start feeling something odd stirring up inside the King too that evening. Contrary to the previous days, he was now in full animation and incredibly talkative. Yet his speeches more than not turned the Princess speechless. His words were provoking and sharp, and if he did stir up an answer from his guest, it was in the same ironical and stinging tone.

Sometimes it made her laugh. And she liked seeing a new side of humour and wit coming from him. Yet, she could not help but feel this was a show completely fabricated and tailored to the cold man the King wanted to appear as. And so the next day she chose her weapon against this character: sweet smiles and observations of how beautiful everything around them was.

She wanted to be grateful for everything that was good around them, and for the ballades they took to see more and more enchanting places. The autumn’s fiery colors had blessed their walks, along with ancient towns bathing in a cloudless sky. Indeed, everything around them was a blessing and the Princess wanted to enjoy every last bit of it.

When they sat down to nibble some delicious local treats, she could not stop thinking of how exquisite everything had been on this day. She smiled without reason it seemed.

Until the King continued a very unlikely speech of how they had missed this and that sight on their journey. The Princess had forgotten about it and she answered that it did not matter to her, they had seen other absolutely lovely things that had made her day. Well, he continued, he should have to take others to see these missed sights, as he was sure they were too good to be missed. The Princess only smiled in response and changed the topic to how delicious the food was.

Slowly but surely, the evening went on and they touched on many subjects: how some of the King’s friends were less of a friend to him than he was to them, how he was going to make his family’s feud settle and make everyone focus on the good in each other and not the bad, and finally how he was a very unlucky person to have such health difficulties in his family.

That did it.

The Princess’ smiles left her lips, and a rage she had not known yet presently exploded into the King’s face: “Oh poor you! She said, Everything is just awful in your life. How can you not see how much beauty you have to be grateful for?!”

And then she started crying.

And there was no stopping the flood of tears.

“Why are you crying?” Asked a very anxious King.

Well, the Princess was not quite sure actually. All she knew was that she could not hold it in. and then in between sobering she answered: “because I just think it is so sad that you have all these amazing things in our life and you refuse to see them.”

And then she cried some more.

The King had no answer to that.

Just a tight embrace.

But the Princess wasn’t sure any sort of embrace was enough after all.

They did not talk about the incident the next morning at breakfast. Instead he spoke of future plans and a new castle that did not involve the Princess. They did not talk of the incident on the journey back where she was to be left and go back to her own Kingdom. They did not talk at all when he took her in his arms for one last embrace before her departure.

And then he said: “I’m sorry I made you cry.”

To which she answered: “that is not what I wish you to be sorry for.”

She did not cry this time, but as his hand let go of hers, she felt… she felt her heart breaking. A sound, net, clean crack. And then a wave of sadness.

Thankfully she had no time to give in to sadness. Bad weather had hit the road she was to take to go back to her Palace and so she did not know when her departure was to take place. She sent an urgent missile to reach the King and inform him of the facts that she was stranded. When his answer reached her he was already too far gone he said, and would not come back to keep her company. What a shame she thought. To have one more night so close to him and yet him not being by her side.

She tried not to read too much into it.

But of course she did.

Back to her Kingdom, her Palace and her Duties, the Princess was busy and happy to be back into her nest. The letters from the King continued and for about a week or so where as numerous as before. After that week passed, the Princess felt a silence settling in. She tried hard to fight it and sent more letters than usual. But eventually gave up and stayed many a day without a single word from the King. If it hadn’t been for a dreadful attack on the King’s Kingdom she heard about, she would not have sent anything more, but she worried for him and so she did.

The reply took much longer than she had anticipated, and on top of feeling wretched because of these odious crimes, she finally felt disrespected by the King for not taking care of letting her know if he was, well, breathing.

And so when she finally heard back from him and his nonchalant tone said all that needed to be said. She replied to him she was happy he was alive.

And these were the last words they ever exchanged.

And thus, without any more explanation, our story of the Frog Princess and the charming King come to an end.

The end.

Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

13. The Princess is the Frog. Iron, Fire and Spider.

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And so it seemed, the King’s fears had penetrated the Princess’ iron skin and were looking to settle there.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

She also had other worries to occupy her brain. The construction of her new Palace was more trouble than she had anticipated and money had never run so low.

It did frighten her. The Princess had always been quite handy with everything material, she knew when to spend money and when to be parsimonious so there were always reserves, but now she was quite penniless she was still wanting of learning how to adapt to absolute frugality.

She tried to remind herself many times a day of how blessed she was, her kingdom was unrealistically enchanting and her responsibilities ever-changing and creative, training and stretching her brain in ways she could not have foreseen.

By and by, she remained un-easy and in not knowing how to shake this dreaded feeling off, slowly became consumed by it.

As she was afraid this may be affecting her health, she fixed herself upon seeing a doctor.

When the dreaded day arrived (as well you should know that the Princess hates doctors) she was met with coldness and refusal from the doctor. For some administrative error had occur which denied her entry and care. The Princess was too shocked and too unused to this sort of treatment to even begin to retort. She walked out dumbfounded and even more frightened.

She told the King of her misfortune and awaited for some understanding and comforting word.

Scarcely anything came from him.

And that is when all hell broke loose.

Firstly, the iron armour popped open when she resolved in stopping to tiptoe around him. Right there she sent him a first message of how angry she was that he had not been there for her at a time when it was her turn to be scared.

Secondly, the ball of fire was projected out of her when she sent a second reply, finally admitting how she really felt about all his numerous pursuits in acquiring knowledge. She wrote to him that it may all be very well to read and read, look for teachers of different knowledge, but if in the end you only think of yourself and cannot see what surrounds you, then she did not see the point of it at all.

And last but not least, the Frog appeared in the two last letters.

Well, this you know dear reader, that the outcome of the Frog’s appearance is seldom a happy one.

But the Princess did not see that. She only felt the liberation of the King’s fears off of her shoulders. And maybe of her own fears as well. They had been so entwined it was hard to tell whose fear belonged to whom. And clearly the Princess could not make that distinction anymore.

But in this liberation, she felt relieved of all the previous pains.

She, however, had not foreseen the King would understand her two last letters as her way of taking leave of him.

Spider had witnessed the events, and only wished she was not too late. She dropped into the Frog Princess’ ink and here is what she said unto her:

“Spider will eat her mate if she gets too caught up in herself to see the validity of honouring male energy.”

The Frog Princess gave a start. And tried to shake Spider from her quill. Not only did it not work, but instead Spider multiplied and continued her speech: “The warrior at your side is a strong balancing force. You are not honouring either your male or female side by becoming disdainful and superior of your mate.”

There the Frog Princess stopped shaking her quill, felt a prick in her ego, but a prick rightly deserved.

“This type of negative criticism only breaks down relations and is a reflection of something you hate about yourself.”

The Princess looked at her froggish self and could not argue otherwise.

Somewhere in between her relieving herself, she had gone too far and in the blink of an eye, wound up on the other end of the spectrum of her personality.

She thanked Spider and started to work on returning to her Princess self.

To be continued…

Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

12. The Princess is the Frog. Choices.

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As The Princess moved away from the King, she realized if she kept on suffocating the way she was now, she would only be able to make his stay in her kingdom a living hell and make him run for his life quicker than any other Prince before.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

But if she pushed aside his personal intellectual masturbations from overpowering her own mind and heart, then they could maybe have a chance at cherishing the little time they had together.

It did not take her long to choose the second option. But as she did not take the time to create a light bubble, an easy recipe her Fairy-step mother had taught her long ago to remain in how own energy and not absorb other’s, as she went back to claim her spot into the King’s arms, another mechanism had come to effect: the iron skin had toughened while the ball of fire was nesting inside her chest.

She did not mind the iron skin, she though that if the King did not want to feel any attachment to her, why should she?

She had often used her physical extra-sensibilities to read what she was feeling about others, but now she thought she needed to stop feeling, or else she might get carried away with her emotions.

She had resolved that her mission was for him to recognize what he was truly feeling and for her to stop feeling until then, and with that in mind she fiercely kissed the King.

Of course, absolutely nothing could go wrong with such a well thought-through plan.

From that moment on, they spent a fun-loving, light-spirited weekend, being silly and inappropriate every occasion possible, but dining finely and drinking responsibly. On that last note, the King was indeed Royal and spared no expenses, making the Princess feel… Well… Like a Princess.

When the Princess’ affairs were taking her away from the King, she was concentrated and surprisingly creative. Her mind was not wandering as it often is, and instead produced quick and easy ideas to solve the problems faced before her.

And each time it came for them to meet again, she felt… Slightly scared. And a little sad too, thinking her mission was failing, he had not said a word about his attachment to her and she had trouble hiding her feelings.

How ironical! She thought thinking back on when they had first met and her impressions of him.

However, her conduct remained graceful and natural, facilitated by his kind and thoughtful manners towards her. The King never stopped watching her, being infinitely curious about everything she does and did during their few hours apart. And, most importantly perhaps, never stopped touching her. At all times, there was always a hand, an arm, a kiss, entwining them.

But what she preferred, above everything else, was when they unexpectedly fell asleep in each other’s arms and remained so, unchanged, until it was time for them to both stir simultaneously.

There she felt a powerful contentment. When all her guards where vanished, when his mind was switched off, it seemed as if their bodies did not mind the comfort of the other.

And he may have laughed at them, seeing them as such, but she did not care, she thought it was the most heavenly thing.

And so the five days went by fast but remained etched in other’s spirits. Maybe not for the same reasons or the same moments shared, but I do not believe to be out of line when I say it both marked them.

When he was preparing to leave, they wrapped their arms around each other and the King whispered unto the Princess’ ear: “Don’t wait to see me off.”

Her iron skin fastened tighter.

She had always hated goodbyes. This in-between time when thoughtful and emotional words are expected to be said and heard. She felt that too often, the sentiments expressed while saying goodbye were forced, and too often were real sentiments suppressed.

And so as her lips answered: “Right, now leave”, her heart was filled with both sadness and an urge to see him go.

As instructed, she did not wait, she did not even turn back. She swiftly walked on as soon as she left his embrace and managed to hide from him the one or two tears escaping from her eyes.

She certainly had not expected to feel so wretched for the following fortnight or so.

She was missing the King of course but it felt like a different kind of pain. This was a suffocating pain, overclouding everything she was doing.

It was as if the ball of fire had been kept inside her ribcage and unable to get out of her body because the iron prison that had become her under-skin had remained.

And the fire was raging, raging against its imprisonment. Growing with all the words the Princess hadn’t spoken.

That last letter still hovered over her mind. And until contradicted, she would take it as what the King believed to be true.

Most of the time, she still regarded it to be entirely nonsensical, but she could not say that to him. If she made fun of his fears, what then, he would be another case of a runaway Prince would he not?

And other times, she thought that if he still believed he could not love, then perhaps their attachment, and the time spent together made no sense at all…

To be continued…

Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

11. The Princess is the Frog. Careful what you wish for.

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Her head up in the shooting stars, the Princess travelled back to her Kingdom. She had had tidings that the affairs of her palace were not going well.

Precisely they were going very, very much awry.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

And so as soon as she arrived, she found this to be true. It was such a state of affairs that she decided to turn her heals to it and find a new palace. And this time with a difference set of people running it.

And on that note, her landing back in her kingdom, although she still loved it very much, proved to be the beginning of a very trying week. It seemed everyday something went from wrong to worse. She was bewildered that all her problems came from material things. Things she usually had a very tight grasp on.

In a desperate call for help to her Fairy step-mother she received an answer she was even more shocked to read: “You just have never been used to being this happy. Your head is still up there with the stars. All you have to do is find your balance.”

The Princess had nothing to reply to that. Because in all fairness, it was probably true. It was tough to remember a moment when there wasn’t hardship or something stained with sadness. Although she had, most of the time, seen Hope, it was, as the definition of the word, before any lovely thing came to be true. Now she was in front of the lovely things, diving head deep into all of it, her still very enjoyable and exciting responsibilities, her family, and the appearance of the King.

And so, ironically, she did not know how to handle it all.

But little by little, she managed to get a hold of things, went on to live in another Palace, more glorious, entwining the ancient and the modern, perfect for her tastes and delicate sensitivities, and all other things slowly fell into place.

And now that the things invading her brain were solved in but a few weeks, she had to feel that something was wrong elsewhere. Her sentimental correspondence with the King was not faltering. And yet, for some inexplicable reason. She felt something may go sour if she didn’t pay attention. As that familiar chocking feeling in her ribcage surfaced again, she found the root of the presentiment. And indeed it did lay with the King.

His heart, he was unsure of. His motives, he questioned. And his capacity to love another, he doubted.

As she read the words. She felt a rush of cold washing over her body. That imaginary liquid slowly turned to ice, freezing her, and then quickly shifted into steal, sheltering herself. Inside of her, it was all calm, she profoundly believed this was not an attack against her. She was quite certain it had nothing to do with her at all actually. But that was the problem. If she was just as his other past conquests, unable to move him, then their story should not have even begun.

And that made her angry.

She also received that unwelcomed letter at the untimely moment of his arrival in her kingdom. It had been set that he should come and visit but for a few days, and he choose to lay his fears on her precisely a few hours before he himself arrived.

And so she begged for a sign. If he was doubting them so much, was there any point in spending this time together? Or would it simply be a waste of energy on her side? Or was it worth it? Was this solely a little shadow over-clouding his judgement that would disappear in no time?

Should she hang on or let go?

As she was engrossed in the inner workings of her brain, and deliberating the best way to make a choice here, the weather was having its own way. There was a distinct bright golden glow on one side of her as her carriage was making her way forward, and an immense dark rain cloud on the other. It’s so pretty she thought, because the dark is so dark, the light is that much more golden in comparison, what a pretty sight indeed.

And then the carriage turned.

And she was faced with a rainbow.

Ok, she almost said out loud, I’ll give him a go then.

But even a polychromatic arch formed by a perfectly logical scientific explanation, could not help her from feeling less joy than she had expected to feel in seeing him again. Quite a substantial bit less, indeed. Her skin had kept its iron protection, and she was determined not to let anything hurt her. But just as she had once swallowed that ball of fire, her charms and happy conversations remained. She, unlike him she thought, was trying her best not to ruin this precious time together. She gaily showed him her kingdom and her new palace and all the little things she loved here. Sometimes she felt she had to swallow back her fire, or to toughen the iron, but showed no external signs of it until…

Night time fell upon her kingdom. And the King, with his usual warmth, took the Princess in his arms, and for the longest time, kissed her.

She felt like a war was raging inside of her. Should she listen to reason and remember the cold words he had last written to her, or should she close her eyes and only see with her heart, what the King’s very own, beating against hers, was saying. She did not know what side to choose. She wanted to let herself feel everything, and be guided by the sensations washing over her. But she was scared. She believed a war was also raging inside the King’s head and it did not calm her.

Wether it was because she hated what was happening inside of him, that he was unable to see with his heart and speak from it, or because she was more than a little bit afraid of her own heart, her frustration let three, or four tears glide down her cheeks.

His embrace suddenly became suffocating, her head ached, her body felt nothing.

She did not know where the solutions lurked.

And so the Princess moved aside from the King and pondered. Like a pondering thing in a pond.

To be continued…

Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

10. The Princess is the Frog. A new beginning part III.

There’s comes a time in some Princess’s life when words are not enough.

“If you can explain why you’re in love, then you have a problem” said the frog Princess’ Father.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

She looked at the man who was about to marry the love of his life, and, with total and utter astoundment, started to cry. She could not stop the tears from flowing, and her voice from laughing, and her smile to extend beyond her ears. A cry of pure happiness that seemed communicative as her Fairy Step-mother followed in her footsteps.

It was the happiest day of our Frog Princess’ life, she did not know two people who deserved happiness as much as these two did. A love so pure and flaws that seemed to fit so perfectly with one another. Two pieces of a puzzle, different each, but not complete without the other.

It was such a glorious day that the little rain on the Horse Kingdom did not erase a single smile. Especially not the Frog Princess’. Because on top of being a witness to this extraordinary event, she had gained two exceptional brothers and a loud and caring family.

In the back of her mind though, was the other King.

He had sent her throngs and throngs of letters, some to which she replied, but now, she was in all honesty, quite a bit exasperated. He wanted to be here, to observe this uncanny event, she knew this, he knew this, but he was not ready to admit this to himself, she thought.

She was surprised because she had never asked him to come, but he had mentioned it more than once during their previous meetings. So when she officially gave him an invitation, thinking this was what he was waiting for, he took half a second to answer and tentatively tried the word: “no”. She thought he was just shy and might have regretted his answer so, she asked again. And got the same hesitant answer. It seemed to her that once again, the eyes and the words of the King were not in accordance. And the Princess did not understand such miscommunication between the two. After all, they shared the same human. But oh well, this time, she did not want to care.

But of course she did. Care.

Perhaps he may have understood that for he travelled to the Horse Kingdom to pay his respect to her parents but a few days later. The Princess’ Father and her Fairy Stepmother were delighted to welcome this King again, after all, they had known him before the Princess had and they doted on him still. During luncheon, the King asked for details of the ceremony. Everybody spoke of their lovely experience of the day until he turned to the Princess and asked her what speech she had made.

She remembered the speech well. Because it was the second time in her life she had seen her father shed a tear. She had not a clue the words she had said were to have such an impact on her father and step-mother. See, it was mainly improvised, she had wanted to be spontaneous and feel things deeply instead of writing them down in advance. Just as she writes, she did not know what the next sentence was going to be. But here is approximately what she said unto the crowd and now to the King:

“I am often asked how and why it is that I enjoy the company of my step-mother. I know it is not of custom, but here is what I answer the ones who care enough to ask: I grew up, just like most people my age, with tellings of love stories that have endings. Most stories we tell young people even today hardly involve sentiments and feelings and cares for one another at all! And so I grew up thinking my stories would inevitably have endings, and that was just the way life was. There the Princess paused and looked at her Fairy step-mother with a slight smile: some people like endings more than others…, she added. But then one day, just as my brother described it right before me, I met this Fairy, and seeing my father standing next to her, together, it seemed so… Obvious. So clear, so inevitable that these two should be anything but apart.

And well, since then, I believe. In… Love.”

As she was repeating this to the King, her eyes had drifted down, looking at the ground, half shy. She barely dared to glance back at him when she was done, perhaps slightly scared of what she would see in his eyes at this time, or worse what her interpretation of what that look might be.

On the Horse Kingdom’s grounds there was a clearing. In ancient times that clearing had been used by druids for their gatherings. It was an enchanted place where the Princess and the King had taken a stroll together once when they had first met.

They resolved in walking back there one more time. As soon as they were out of sight, the King fiercely kissed and embraced the Princess. She giggled and blushed, feeling like she was but a teenager again. And once they reached the enchanted clearing, they remained entwined, talking, sharing, forgetting about time.

To the Princess, it felt as if Time did stop there for a second.

She was certain it had been so when the King voiced his cares for her for the first time. But he said it with such seriousness, such solemnity, she could only but kiss him in return to turn those clasped lips into a smile.

I do not know how it is possible that time seems, at the same time, so still and yet so short. The sun was quickly setting, and the Princess was sad because it meant the King was to leave soon. But an un-ordinary night this proved to be as shooting stars strayed the summer darkness. The Princess looked up, and saw many a one briefly illuminating this enchanting sky. “Make a wish! Make a wish!” said the Fairy-step mother. The Princess took a deep breath, and tried to listen to her heart’s desires.

But….

Strangely….

Nothing came.

She tried to rummage through it. But still, there was nothing to be found. And so, eventually, she gave up. Realizing that, maybe, there was not a thing in the world that could make her life better in this moment.

And so she never made a wish.

To be continued…

Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

9. The Princess is the Frog. A new beginning. Part II

Transcendence. A word the Princess was unfamiliar with, but that the King unveiled to her in more ways than one.

If you hold in your mind a picture, a feeling of something you have never experienced yet or at least not fully, but you are sure it should be, or feel a certain exquisite way. Well when you finally experience it and the picture and feelings are a thousand times duplicated, a scale you never even begun to imagine existed, another dimension. Then that is what transcendence is.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

And that is precisely what our Frog-Princess learnt with the King.

How odd.

She wasn’t sure if it was because of her, of the fact she had not turned into a Frog, meaning that her hard work on herself was finally paying off, or the fact that this man had incredible powers, or maybe the fact that there was an ideal harmony between their two personalities, or perhaps all of the above. Whichever the reason, what she felt was no dream, and no miracle. It was simply lovely and good.

Now the second time she felt that squeeze and yank in the middle of her ribcage was when, upon one of their many following discussions and during dinner-time, she had made a quick suggestion about one of their potential futures. That if he was undecided about his role and responsibilities and where they would take him, he could always come find peace and a quiet time in her very own Kingdom.

The King had then leaned back into his chair, distancing himself from her, and told her she was treading on dangerous grounds. The Princess was at lost. She had been warm and affectionate, believing that he, somehow needed to be reassured.

Indeed, since they had first kissed, and the walls of decorum fell down, he had more than once voiced how unhappy he was they did not live in closer Castles, and other concerns of trifling nature.

Far from her mind was the idea that in trying to reassure him, she brought out his dark side, his Fearing of attachment.

She thought this was unfair. How was he allowed to voice his inclination towards her, to show with his eyes and his touch of how much he cared, but she was not?

She felt like a ball of fire growing in her ribcage, the frog inside of her about to burst at the seems.

She replayed the whole scene in her head, the time he had first looked upon her and the first time he had called on her, during these moments, the sentiments that poured from his eyes had scared her immensely.

That look was still there, she did not doubt it. And yet his words had turned so cold.

She too could turn into a Frog. It would only be a fair fight.

But a fight both of them would lose she thought.

And so. She chose not to.

She swallowed the ball of fire burning her throat, and remained charming, light-hearted like, laughing away his fears. She would rather concentrate on what his eyes were telling her, then the cold words coming from his lips.

Another strange feeling. That she was witnessing the change and fear in somebody else rather than herself. To tell the truth, it made it easier for the Princess to focus on the King’s headaches than her own. Because in forgetting her own dilemmas, she was also burying her past issues, and thus her froggish nature.

She decided not to push for more information on the King’s troubled side and just be her charming, fluttering self. Minus a slight dizziness she was fiercely trying to ignore. They spent a few more hours together and parted with a lovely kiss, and no promises.

To be continued…

Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

8. The Princess is the Frog. A new beginning. Part I

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The fist grew tighter and tighter inside her chest, it had been days, nay weeks, that she had been living with this suffocating feeling inside her ribcage, sometimes making her feel dizzy to the point of making her want to sit down again, and sometimes making her feel like her insides wanted to come out of her body.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

Let us go back in time and re-assess this heart-clenching, gut-punching feeling.

Our very own Frog Princess had first felt something close to this feeling when the time came for her to meet with the King again.

She was on her way to celebrate a most amazing and long awaited event: the marriage of her Father to her Fairy step-mother. Not only was this the most exciting thing she could fathom, but also adding to the excitement, the path made it easy, almost mandatory, for her to go through the younger King’s Kingdom.

Now at that time, the excitement in her stomach could be described as a bit of fear yes, but highly overthrown by a swarm of Butterflies.

The King had asked to see the Princess and she had readily agreed after making him ask two or three times.

But when the time came and she was all pampered and ready to be met with, she received a note. Saying he was late.

That is when she first felt that semblance of annoyance in her stomach. She was unimpressed and was determined to remain as such throughout the whole evening. He, on the other hand, had to be impressed by her, by how carefree she was, by how grudge-less against his tardiness, by his late responses, that she was only charm and joy and lightness of being.

To be sure she was all that. And although not even his hand dared to brush against hers, the King’s glistening eyes proved enchanted in more ways than one.

Maybe this was the way to fend off her frogish nature, she thought. Maybe all she needed to do was to bury her negative feelings deep down and never speak of them. Ever.

And so the evening went on, charming, charmed, buttefly-like in every way. She did take the time however to inspect how she felt about him, tardiness and late responses aside, and she was indeed feeling everything she had hoped to feel and more. An attraction, a chemistry that she had tried quite hard to fend off on their first meetings those months ago. But the letters had undoubtedly softened her heart, and now the sight of him allowed her to acknowledge these feelings as true.

The look in his eyes could not be mistaken. But the King had still not expressed his intentions. And so as the hours went by, she grew slightly weary, fearing the opportunity of them meeting again would not be for a very long time, and who knows what those feelings would become then?

Well if those feelings were to go away then, she thought, it would probably be for a good reason, and things should not be rushed, said her reasonable heart. But then again, if he doesn’t take this opportunity, what sort of a gentleman is that? Wouldn’t that prove him to be a man who doesn’t stand for himself? Debated her impatient mind.

The hours went on, and it seemed fate did not want these hours to end. Many a times was her departure delayed for this or that reason, but still, the King had kept his intentions for himself.

Oh well, the Princess sighted, what is not meant to be, is just not meant to be, even Cosmic Assistance can only do so much.

And while she was thinking just that, that is when the King’s hand brushed against the Princess’ sleave, and, ever so gently, his fingers closed in on her arm.

Her body went numb. “Uho. This is it.” She thought. And she slowly (read awkwardly) lifted her face up to his, and before his hand had even reached for her neck, their lips had touched.

To be continued…

Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

7. The Princess is the Frog is playing Sleeping Beauty.

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And so she started to care.

She knew the dangers. And she was very thorough in her analysis of her angsty and froggish behaviours. Or so she thought.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

You see she very soon found herself becoming weary of everything. Even though she had found a new activity in her everyday life that she adored, she could not stop yawning. And when she went back to her Palace, everything around her annoyed her and all she longed for was sleep. And yet, 8-9-10 hours of sleep always seemed insufficient and she was still yawning all day the next and longing for her bed at all times.

What a strange thing she thought. Everything is going amazingly well in my life, and yet, I cannot find the strength to lift a pencil in my free time. These were often her lasts thoughts before drifting off into a dreamless coma.

First she blamed the heat. The hard summer heat was beaming into her kingdom as she had rarely felt it before. But surely it wasn’t that, her that always strived to feel the sunlight on her flesh and use this as an excuse to ingurgitate a copious amount of ice cream.

So, where her new roles and activities in the Kingdom taking such a toll on her, and using up all her resources that she had nothing left to allocate? Surely not, although she loved her new found responsibilities and was happy to see her ideas were getting implemented, she also knew she was not giving it a 100%. Which, she knew was shameful.

So she pondered, like a pondering thing in a pond. Being unknowingly incredibly irritated with herself and the world.

When all of a sudden she understood what she was playing at.

Sleeping Beauty had never been her role model, but she had made her point in making her own life easy, I mean, she was
sleeping the whole time her Prince Charming was fighting off dragons and witches to get to her. And it seemed our Frog Princess was doing the same thing. Instead of continuing to strive for had she had achieved and wanted to build in her life, she was dropping everything and waiting for someone to scoop her away.

Well, surely that will not do in our modern times.

But finding the balance between turning into a frog and sleeping away the hard part of the romantic tale may prove to be her toughest challenge yet… She could not keep on either striving to get away from the path of losing his cares or losing herself.

It was time to create a new story.

To be continued…

XoXo – From a bed of thorns with love

Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

6. The Princess is the Frog. Everything has changed.

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As it often does, Spring turned into Summer. And our Frog Princess did just as she often did in the Summer time, she paid a visit to her father. Little did she know that this visit was going to be a world of difference compared to these usual reunions.

(Read the previous story of the Princess is the Frog here)

Her father’s new kingdom was a beautiful one, but the luscious valleys were more popular amongst Animals than human beings. And so when she went there, she fully expected her usual little solitary retreat. And so as I said, nothing was preparing her to meet a Prince in this Horse Kingdom. A Prince… Nay, a King!

Or so it was what her family was telling her.

He had been visiting the Horse Kingdom and had almost instantly won every, although not numerous, inhabitant’s admiration. Before the Princess had even set eyes on the said gentleman, she thought she had no other choice but to fall in love with him because everyone else already had.

Of course, what she must do and what she had in mind were two very different things.

And so when she first set eyes on him, she was… Cordial at best. She had not a care in the world for him. What did he need her cares for anyway since he already had everyone else’s? But the few times their path crossed, she was by no means in froggish dispositions. She was her usual charming Princess self, and maybe even a tad more since she didn’t have much care. The only care she had, was to show everyone how much she had no care at all for him.

The King didn’t speak much with words. His eyes on the other hand, told many stories and his ears were extremely attentive. But there was a glow in his face while he was listening to her that both reassured and frightened the Princess. And since she didn’t want to be overcome by either of these two emotions, she resolved into looking at him as less as possible.

This wasn’t a very effective trick when he asked to call on her.

Sitting down face to face, and nothing else to take her gaze away from him but the time set for her departure from the Horse Kingdom, she seldom had a choice but to give him her full undivided attention. And he certainly knew how to give his own undivided attention. Not knowing her but wanting to, he had also started to read things she had written. You see, dear reader, the Princess found solace in writing tales.

And although she thought it was, after all, highly possible that a man in chase would want to find out as much as he could about the object of his attentions, she was on the other hand, quite taken aback about how much he wanted her to talk about it. And even more surprised about how truthfully he seemed to be listening.

This was new. This was… Well an effort actually, she had not been used to talking so much about herself, her flaws, her deepest fears… (because what else would a young woman write in her tales?). The only comfort she found was that she was bound by nothing, she could tell it all without a care in the world. And maybe also because whatever she said, his gaze remained penetrating and intrigued.

When the meeting ended, she felt… Exhausted. Unwell too. Not knowing if she dreaded more the fact that this meeting would never happened again or the fact that it may very well take place.

Whichever the case, she had time to think about it. They both lived in different Kingdoms and if Cosmic Assistance had made them meet once, the following meetings would have to be perpetuated by mutual agreement. An agreement she surely would not be the one to ensue first.

The King had not asked for so much yet. But a month passed and his correspondence did not falter. Well actually it did sometimes, but it was all a good game the Princess knew how to play and did not think twice about. What she did think twice about was the subject of their letters. He seemed to ask for a deep understanding of her personality. More flaws, more fears, more of her past. Soon he knew close to everything about her froggish nature and she even knew a little about his’. Well, the little he conceded to reveal. And what a surprise those revelations were. They were nothing the Princess could have foreseen, and that made her sometimes that much more intrigued and sometimes that much more careless about him.

I think the most amusing thing to behold was that both their worst weaknesses would be exactly the downfall of the other.

With such information divulged in the correspondence she soon felt that if she fell for him and would, as her likely pattern, turn into a frog, he would be the typical case of a runaway Prince. And it seemed he knew that her not caring for him made him that much more predisposed to seek her attentions. And if he would finally win her cares, as his likely pattern dictated, he would be quickly satisfied and leave.

Both had the same fear. Marriage was a prison. And although neither believed it to be true, their past actions proved otherwise.

And so, she started longing to know more about his ugly nature, as he continued to press her about her’s.

It has to be said that she seldom felt so liberated than to be able to divulge her ugliness to a man who was said to be so perfect. For a woman afraid of loosing her freedom, this was a change. And she felt quite secure in knowing his vices (although what she had read in his eyes were quite the opposite of what he was now divulging) caring only for what was said to be his ghastly side. She had been so used to try and hide everything that was nasty to show off only what was said to be pretty, the Princess did not think this correspondence was anything near seduction.

And so, slowly and unknowingly, she was starting to care.

Xoxo – From the land of the blind with denial.

To be continued…

Life's a fairytale The Princess is the Frog

5. The Princess is the Frog. Spring has Sprung.

Forgive my silence on the life of our intrepid Frog Princess (Last post here). But you see, the truth is that there hasn’t been much to tell. For in the Wintertime, Frogs are not famous for being particularly outgoing, and so her usual recklessness was… Tamed.

Indeed, during this Wintertime not a thing happened for the Frog Princess, except, maybe in her dreams. But the long awaited Spring had finally sprung, the Sun rekindling the heat and every living thing blooming announced that the calm was now over. The Princess knew this, she had been looking out for the storm about to hit her. What she didn’t know was that she was about to hit it. Quite literally. One day that she was innocently playing about, she actually and physically ran into a wall, quite nearly breaking her nose, and the prophecy she had once told her Fairy-Stepmother on the subject of life when she was seventeen was fulfilled: “I think one day I’m going to hit a wall, really hard.” While her head was still spinning and before she realized blood was gushing, she remembered those words and waited for the rest to unfold.

The first wave to hit her was when she concluded that all this outer-inactivity might be a threat to her health. All those months of keeping things inside had created chaos in there and the doctors had found… Complications. The second wave hit right after, when she saw that the place she believed was a safe haven during Wintertime was actually a castle made of clouds and the soldiers inhabiting the castle had noses as long as Pinocchio did on a bad day. The third wave, well the third wave came in the form of a Charming Prince. A new teacher for our Frog Princess, to his detriment the poor thing. Everything had been perfect. Quite perfect really. She met him at a ball. He liked her smile. She liked his style. He made her dance half the night. His dancing skills could not be ignored, nor were they, and when they had enough of dancing, he took her hand and led her outside. While on that moonlit stroll she asked questions she forgot the answers to and he asked questions he did not want the answers to. When he kissed her good morning he told her he would call on her very soon. She knew he was going to keep that promise. Because, well, she hadn’t turned into a Frog this time. And so when he called on her the first time it was that hard for the, not so slimy, Princess to avoid him. After another message and a second request she resolved into being honest with him. Or at least as honest as propriety allowed her to be. She did not, in fact, want to see him again. It didn’t work, and he tried persuading her yet again into another meeting in an enchanting place he knew she’d never seen before. Why was he making things so difficult for her? Why couldn’t he just take no for an answer? But maybe more importantly, why didn’t she want to say yes?

Truly, that Prince was everything a young man ought to be. He had an important station, he had a lovely castle surrounded by the most romantic garden she’d ever seen. He delighted in playing her the piano. Maybe that was the most important thing: He seemed ready to go to great length to please her. And whatever his reasons were, he even stopped smoking the day after they met. All she had to do was say yes and she would be treated like the Princess she is.

Alas. She knew there would be no happily ever after for her in this story. She knew this because when he laughed, she did not smile uncontrollably. When he looked at her, she did not see a lightning bolt. Only his determination in loving her. And if he coughed, she did not care to ask if he was ok. And so again, she pondered, like a pondering thing in a pond. She began to consider her health and all related matters. She blew away the cloud castle and the puppet Pinocchios and looked for a new sanctuary.

And, finally, she began to grasp what Unconditional meant. Finding a Prince that fulfils a list of glamorous things written on a piece of paper is very swell indeed. But maybe finding one whose only clear achievement is that he makes her heartbeat quite impossible to stabilise might just be all that she requires. Because what is the point of anything if there are no uncontrollable smiles, lightning bolts and care involved? Even if, maybe, sometimes, the price to pay is turning into a Frog. Again.

XoXo – With Uncontrollable Smiles, Lightning bolts and Hope.

To be continued…

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